Here we go with this Shit. Seasonal Depression.

For anyone who has ever witnessed, lived with, suffered from, or even for a short amount of time, experienced depression, you know exactly what I’m about to talk about.

Imagine experiencing a moment of happening and for a split second, after becoming aware of it, “Wait a minute, I’m laughing,” you immediately changed to sadness. Y’all saw that Kayne West video where he was smiling one minute and then put on his resting Kayne face. LOL,

It’s not because anything is wrong with you, it’s because you don’t see the reason for being happy when sadness is right around the corner looking for you in the daytime with a flashlight you like you owe money. Depression, more specifically how YOU experience depression, is way more complex than any blog post or social media reel can explain. It requires a deep dive into YOUR life, and no matter how degreed up or specialized training an online mental health professional might have while explaining depression and offering “tips”, it is highly recommended to work this out with YOUR therapist.

IYKYK.

I’ll be a little transparent, I’ve experienced seasonal depression, mostly when I was a teenager away from my friends and family for a few years, and again, just last year. It was last Christmas. Every Christmas, my two toddlers go with their dad for Christmas vacation. I typically use this time to either take a solo vacation or catch up on some quiet time. Why? I am a single mom with two toddlers, building a business (with a team) owning a home, and having real-life responsibilities, which is very ghetto by the way. And when I tell you my babies have a ball during Christmas, they have a ball, and I don’t want to take that away from them. Last Christmas, the day they flew out, I began to feel absolutely horrible. I was scheduled to show up at the gym, set up, and explain to people the importance of mental health during the seasonal depression. I did all of this while struggling myself. I had to leave for a moment to lie down in my car, I was feeling so bad. Did I mention it was raining cats and dogs and freezing? Yes, when I say struggling, ya girl was struggling.

When it was over, I broke everything down, went home, and didn’t even make it to the bed, I laid down on the sofa, grabbed my laptop, and found myself a flight out of the country. Yes, I did. Don’t judge me. I don’t know where I thought I was going when I could barely make a fist and didn’t have one item in my suitcase. I thought the only way I would feel better was if I could find myself on a beach somewhere. The only reason I could not book that flight was because my wallet was in my purse on the kitchen table. Yes, I couldn’t even get up from the sofa and stand up straight. I was home alone in the dark freezing and it was raining so hard and my babies were gone. Silence is what I asked for, but not like this.

The next day, I ended up in the emergency room to find out it was covid, let’s just say, that was a rough Christmas. Depression did set in. I felt so alone, so neglected, so forgotten about, and idle to let my thoughts roam around free like they just got out of jail from doing a bid. My thoughts took me back to my childhood and even had me thinking about my own mortality and child, ain’t nobody got time for that! That moment of depression did not last very long, but in the short time it was here, it was heavy.

Imagine someone living a life threw these lenses. Imagine being here for months. Maybe yours is not situational, or due to a temporary medical issue, but depression for days, or for years, needs support. When I gathered myself, I remembered I do have both my brother and my cousin who is not far from me and of course, they came to help me and loved on me. Thanks, Mickey and Tia.

As a therapist, I need to know everything there is about how YOU experience depression, how long it lasts when it started, how intense, behaviors, contributing factors, collateral information, warning signs, triggers, routines, lifestyle, family makeup, family psych history, financial barriers, influences, and routines. Oh, I’m in your business. But it is only then that I can set up a system that works for who? YOU! Not for me, not for your spouse or your kid, for YOU! Sometimes we have to work on a safety plan first before we work on your exit plan. Sometimes, it starts with psycho-education, and sometimes it starts with a detox, and not necessarily from drugs. It could be social media or an actual holistic approach.

You might notice your body shifted season. Maybe you are a bit less patient with your kids or spouse, or maybe you keep forgetting things and feeling a bit more “lazy.” Maybe you’ve even noticed that you are saying no more than usual to going out, to sex, to church, to drinks with the guys. I would like to encourage you to get into therapy as soon as possible to prevent what you know is coming. If you know it’s coming, you can be preventative which is ideal. Don’t wait until it hits when you don’t have to. Do something that can change your life, your lenses, and possibly your entire world.

Get in THERAPY.

P.S. This Christmas, I made plans while my babies enjoy Christmas getting spoiled, but next year, It’s a Christmas turn-up with mommy, and getting sick is not an option. LOL

I love you,

Ari.